Exiles Entry

“I’m going to kill him, then I’m going to beat his body, then I’m going to find someone to revive him, then I’m going to kill him again,” the typically gruff and currently quite-peeved voice came from the short (figuratively speaking, of course) leather-clad figure.

“Aww, c’mon, bro, it’s not that bad,” the much larger man next to her said, as he gently poked another girl (one much more apparently so) in front of him as she dozed off every few seconds.

“Bo, we watched the sun rise.” Actr’d’s eyes grew wide, as if re-experiencing some petrifying memory within her mind, and she lurched on Bo’s collar, bringing him down to her own height. “We. Watched. The. SUN. RISE. I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing for myself that the sun rose this early in the morning!”

The tall man stared at his ‘bro’s’ eyes for a moment before smiling. “It was pretty, though.”

Actr’d’s eye twitched and after a moment, her mouth opened, but before she could reprimand her partner, the more delicate member of their group Bo had been keeping awake (Sheeva) fell asleep (again) and, without anyone free to prod her back to, she fell over.

Both Actr’d and Bo let out a shouts that were variations of ‘eek’ and ‘crap’ combined as they scrambled to catch the young girl before she hit the ground.

This led to an awkward position consisting of Sheeva sprawled out on Actr’d’s body and Bo just barely holding the two women upright; Actr’d gritted her teeth, expecting the girl to jump awake, screaming.

Instead, all she heard was a gentle, squeaky snore coming from Sheeva. The girl, to Actr’d’s dismay, decided she would make an excellent pillow, as the princess snuggled and made herself comfortable, all the while letting out the wispy hum of her snore.

Face slightly flushed and speaking through her teeth, Actr’d grunted at Bo, “C’mon, get her off!”

Bo, as delicately as his large figure would allow, moved Sheeva off and set her in front of him again. Actr’d fixed her own collar and snorted. The light snoring was replaced with an equally small and squeaky yawn as she woke up with a bright and cheerful smile.

Again.

Bo grinned at the sight and Actr’d rolled her eyes and made gagging sounds to herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a figure walking up to them and her momentarily-forgotten fury came back. She launched herself in the direction of the figure.

“YOU!” Actr’d stood chest-to-chest with him and he simply looked down at her with his one visible eye. “I’m going to kill you so badly you’ll wish you were dead! Don’t look at me like that! You know what I saw this morning?” She grabbed onto his shirt and shook him. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW?! The sun rising! I do NOT wake up until the sun is WELL into the sky, much less when it’s RISING. I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing that! I was content just ASSUMING that it rose!”

After a few moments of Actr’d catching her breath and her eye twitching strangely, Kip slowly blinked and spoke to her. “Are you done?”

“No!”

“Close enough.” Kip pushed her away and patted his chest, as if he were cleaning dust off. “We’re broke.”

Actr’d snorted. “I’ve been broke before and didn’t decide to jump out of bed before dawn and run through a forest for who knows how long.”

“We’re worse than broke,” Kip continued after the interruption. “I’m assuming those men chasing us down screaming about debts and money when we tried leaving the last town weren’t doing it for their health.”

Actr’d snorted. Again. “Bunch of money-grubbing liars and cheats.”

Kip stared at her with his sole eye for a moment before going ahead. “Anyways. We are going to have to get money fast and that means we’ll have to find jobs in this town. Hopefully you’ll refrain from making us criminals long enough so we can do that.”

“Hey, if people would stop getting their panties in a bunch whenever we’re around, we wouldn’t be in so much trouble.”

Kip threw his arms into the air. “Or, maybe, if you didn’t steal and cheat people out of their money and/or belongings, they wouldn’t have any reason to run us down and try to burn us at the stake whenever we come into a new town.”

Actr’d snorted and folded her arms across her chest.

“We are going into that town and everyone is going to find something to do to earn some pay.” After a moment, he added, “legally, so we don’t get strung up by our toes. Again.”

“Oh, Hell!” Actr’d glared at him. “Why don’t you just have us do this blindfolded and our arms tied behind our backs?”

“That’s reserved for you.”

Actr’d started to take a lunge for Kip’s face, but froze halfway when they both heard a loud bang. Turning to their side, they saw Sheeva, eyes wide open and face flushed, with her hands placed tentatively on her mouth.

Bo laid sprawled out at her feet.

Actr’d and Kip stared at him, each with a perplexed look on their faces.

After a moment of suspense and confusion, Bo began letting out a loud, raspy snore and both of them smacked themselves in the face.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Actr’d and Kip, the former grumbling about the morning being far too cheery and the latter simply scowling, wandered down the streets of the town, which was gradually growing in hustle and bustle as time passed.

They kept an eye out (in Kip’s case, literally) for any ‘help wanted’ signs or at least a shop opening for the day or anything they could possibly use to get money.

“Why don’t we just beat an old lady over the head and take her purse?” Actr’d offered.

“Yes, then we can be run out of the town and have to spend who knows how many more nights sleeping in the woods rather than a bed.”

“Hey, just a suggestion; no reason to get all uppity, mister righteous. I don’t see you making any bright suggestions, despite the fact that this whole thing was YOUR idea.”

Kip rolled his eye. He thought of Bo and Sheeva, elsewhere in town, and wondered how he got stuck being with Actr’d. He suddenly froze and turned to Actr’d, speaking entirely seriously, “Wait, how DID I get stuck with you?”

Actr’d, suddenly furious, was about to launch a verbal assault on the one-eyed wonder when she herself froze as well, staring back at Kip. “How DID we get stuck together?”

The two of them looked at each other and blinked. After looking about themselves in a mixture of worry and confusion, they continued on down the streets, albeit slightly quieter.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

“Bo, what are we supposed to be doing?”

“Bro said ‘make yourself useful and do something’ and Kip said something about us being broke, so I think we’re supposed to be trying to get money.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Bo, how do we make money?”

“Well, Bro usually says the key is to ‘find a dumb sap with a lot of weight in his pockets, take it, and beat him in the head.’ Or is it beat him and then take it? Oh, well, I think we just need to find someone to help in exchange for some gold.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Bo, what are we supposed to be looking for?”

“Someplace that needs help, like someplace really busy without many people helping. Bro says people’ll give anything when they’re desperate. And old people. I guess a place with a ‘help wanted’ sign is a good start, too.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Bo, I want a muffin.”

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

“Suggest what you’re thinking and I remove your manhood via your throat.”

Kip snickered. “Come on, it’s the first wanted sign we’ve seen. You’re a con artist, you should be able to pull this off, right?”

“Must I remind you that you only possess one ‘manhood’ per life? Besides, why don’t YOU do it if it’s such a good idea?”

“Well, as you pointed out, I don’t fir the requirements. Besides, this could be a good opportunity to get in touch with your feminine side. You know, that thing you have locked in that fiery pit of brimstone and sulfur that you call a heart.”

“Manhood.” Twitch. “Rapiers.” Twitch. “FACE.” Actr’d’s eye twitched some more and her hands hovered over the hilts of her two swords.

Kip sneered. “I’m sure you’ll get plenty of tips if you shake it a little.” His eye grew wide enough to account for his missing one as Actr’d’s boot came into contact with his nether regions, sending him toppling over.

Actr’d snorted. “There, now YOU have the right equipment for a barmaid.”

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Bo smiled; Bro would be proud of him. He hefted several bags onto his shoulders and made his way across the rocky, pit-ridden, busy street, with Sheeva and her single bag cradled in her arms (along with blocking her vision) close behind.

“Oh, thank you, dears,” the old lady following them said. Bo grinned. Bro would be proud. The bags belonged to the old lady. After the three of them (with Sheeva nearly toppling over numerous times from her single bag) made it across the horrid street to the smooth, clear sidewalk, Bo placed his bags onto the little cart the lady was pushing.

He also grabbed Sheeva’s bag and added it to the pile, as she sort of hadn’t noticed Bo had stopped and kept on going and probably would have done so until she fell over.

“Now, I need to do something for you dears, for helping an old lady so. Now, what could I possibly give in exchange for such generosity?”

Bo grinned. Bro would be proud of him. He opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by Sheeva as her eye caught something in the bag.

“Muffin!”

Soon, Bo was standing in the same place, but not accompanied by a muffin I in hand. He blinked at the muffin and then at Sheeva, who was making the muffin disappear quickly and showing the most muffin-related joy Bo had ever seen.

Just like with the previous seven muffins they each had received.

Bo sighed and set the muffin on Sheeva’s head for later. Maybe Bro wouldn’t be so proud of him. And maybe, just maybe, having their stakeout outside of a bakery wasn’t as good an idea as he originally thought.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

“Maybe we need to split up.”

“Oh? What? Why? You think you can get on better without me? You think I’m holding you back or something?”

“You’ve already broken two produce stands, got us kicked out of a locksmith’s and a lady’s home, and got us into a bar fight.”

“Pfft, so?”

“We weren’t even IN the bar.”

“They just can’t appreciate good help, dumb bums.”

“Oh, yes, the people owning the establishments and possessing a steady, regular source of income are the bums.”

“Yes! They’re caught up in the mindless and uniform life of mercantilism and capitalism, being nothing more than mindless drones and eventually becoming as important, unique, and successful as the merchandise they sell.”

“…”

“Bums.”

“Yes, splitting up would be good right now.”

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

A man looked sternly at another, younger man; the older was the owner of the bar that the two stood in and the other was the bartender at the establishment. The owner looked down, in a literal sense, at the bartender and appeared to be in deep thought and contemplation, using all the knowledge of his long life of experiences to analyze and dissect the problem before him in every sort of way while the younger man looked on, waiting silently.

“We need a new bar maid.”

Quietly, the bartender added his response, hoping to not sound disrespectful in the process. “But we’ve been looking for one for weeks, Boss.”

“You don’t understand,” Boss shook his finger at the bartender and, at the same time, feeling pity for the young, inexperienced man. “We NEED one. This is a bar and no bar, in any sort of shape, size, or form is successful without a steady supply of bar maids.”

“We have Brunhilda.”

Boss looked over his shoulder at the burly woman at the other side of the bar; she was sweeping the floor when she came to a seat—a seat occupied by a customer, specifically—that was in her way; she hefted the chair (customer and all) over her head and swept the floor beneath with her other hand.

The boss sighed, feeling his situation to be hopeless and pitiless. “Yes, yes, my point still stands. We need someone. Someone pretty. A pretty girl—short! Thin! And a bit shapely, with a cute, young face. Pretty, short, thin, cute, young and…big, big…big,” he stuck his hands in front of his chest, physically portraying his point without speaking it.

“But, Boss, where are we going to find a girl like that?”

The boss thought and thought and as he was thinking, with his heart growing heavy and feeling as though his life had been for naught, his vision drifted off to the window, just as a girl—the very portrayal of his of his description—passed by.

As if pulled by an imaginary rope tied to his heart, he flew across the bar, flinging open the windows, and toppled out. Practically falling onto his face, he flailed about and shouted to the girl standing before him: “You! The one with the muffin on your head! You’re hired!”

The girl blinked in response.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Kip’s sword came down in a controlled and experienced slash, severing a large portion of wood neatly in half. He sheathed his blade and placed the two freshly cut portions of timber into the cleanly and newly-cut stack leaning against a nearby fence.

“Oh, my, dear, done already?” An old lady walked out of the nearby home, carrying another pitcher of lemonade. She smiled; Kip simply nodded in affirmation.

“Well, I say, that was mighty quick and impressive of you, dear. What a lucky lady I am today to have the help of so many nice people in such a short time. Now, how may I return the favor?”

Kip’s worry left him and as he opened his mouth, the lady pulled out a muffin from someplace. “Would you like a muffin, dear?”

He blinked. “Uh, thank you, but actually, if you wouldn’t mind—”

Suddenly, over the fence came a figure, flying into the yard and landing between Kip and the old lady. His hand had reflexively reached for the hilt of his sword, but he quickly recognized Actr’d and started at her in confusion. Actr’d frantically looked around and his heart suddenly sunk.

“What the Hell now?!’

“Kip!” She shouted, as if just realizing he was there. “There you are!” Don’t make a mistake: Actr’d was stating the fact that, yes, Kip was there, not suggesting that she was happy to see him or that she had been looking for him to begin with.

“What did you do now?!”

“Me?” Actr’d, shocked at the implications of the suggestion, straightened her jacket and flicked a piece of hair from her face. She set her hands on her hips and, without looking Kip in the eye, said “What makes you think I did anything?”

From over the fence, came the sound of men shouting, dogs barking, and a woman wailing.

“I didn’t do it,” Actr’d said, straight-faced. After a moment of staring at Kip, she bolted. Grinding his teeth together and growling, Kip followed, “Keer damn you, Actr’d!”

The old lady smiled at her new stack of finely chopped wood. “What a sweet boy.”

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

A cheerful clamor sounded throughout the bar, as groups of patrons laughed and smiled. The once arid and murky bar had taken a dramatic change in just a short time.

Bo grinned as he sat at the front of the bar, watching Sheeva scurry about taking orders and returning with plates and cups and, despite confusing some orders and nearly toppling over several times, everyone in the bar was in high spirits with the young girl present.

No sight had made Bo more proud or happy as far as she could remember. The sight of so many people smiling, Sheeva scurrying about, the guy who hired her looking into space having a dramatic reverie, and the general good feelings of the place made him cheery.

Either that, or it was because of the two ladies sitting at either side of him who refused to let him out of their sights.

He wasn’t sure.

“So, there I was, toe-to-toe with the giant dragon—or was it a dragon giant?—anyhow, it was a really big lizard with teeth—razor-sharp teeth of death all OVER the place.” The two women listened on, making surprised sounds and faces as Bo went on. “It was furious! It was spitting…poisonous fire from its…nose! And it was stomping the ground and making a racket. One of its huge heads lunged at me—”

“I thought it only had one head,” the sultry red-head in the tight-fitting black dress to his left said.

“Oh!” Bo laughed. “It got more heads when it got angry. Yup. They just sprout out, but no matter how many heads it had, it was still one giant dragon—or dragon giant, as the case may be—so it didn’t bother me.”

“Oh, you’re so brave,” the busy black-haired lady in the low-cut red dress to his right fawned.

“Oh, stop!” Bo waved, “you’ll make me blush and I’ll never be able to finish!” The women giggled and Bo finally came to the conclusion of the epic story, “So, after beating the giant-dragon dragon-giant, along with the ghost pirate that rode it, I took Sheeva to safety and we’ve been around the country since then.”

“Aww,” Sultry cooed, “that was so brave of you to do for such a poor girl. Just like how you saved her from her evil, older, one-eyed brother.”

“Oh, yes,” Busty added, “and how you then taught her how to talk and read all by yourself!”

“Well, I just did what any guy would do for a girl in trouble,” Bo stated proudly. Sultry and Busty purred in response.

“Bo! Bo! Bo!”

“Huh?” Bo turned on his stool to see Sheeva hopping up and down. “Oh, hey there, Sheeva. How’s the job going?”

The girl grinned from ear-to-ear. “Good! The people are real nice and keep giving me tips!”

“”That’s wonderful, Sheeva. You’re doing a great job, girl.’ To his sides, Busty and Sultry made ‘aww’-ing noises and moved closer to him.

“Yup! Lookit!” From her new barmaid outfit, Sheeva suddenly pulled a pile of gold that sent Bo reeling. The pile was almost as large as her head, poofy hair and muffin and all. Plus, these were the larger-denomination coins, too! Bo had never seen so much money in one place.

Seeing Bo act strangely, Sheeva became worried. “D-did I do a good job, Bo?”

“Oh, uh…” Bo collected himself and patted Sheeva’s head. “Yeah, you’re doing great, Sheeva. That’s my girl. Keep up the great work.” The girl giggled and shoved the money back into her pocket, then scurried off. Busty and Sultry, who Bo had happened to have forgotten at the sight of Sheeva’s horde of gold, pulled him back around.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Kip swore through clenched teeth at Actr’d, who happened to be several yards in front of him, skillfully weaving her way amongst the crowds of people, managing to avoid each one while still being able to move at her top speed; the thief and con had surely developed the skill years ago and had managed to make ‘running through crowds of people like a maniac’ into a form of art.

The problem was that, between people stopping to shout curses at her or simply becoming frozen after thinking they were about to be plowed down, Actr’d didn’t take into account the fact anyone trying to keep up with her would find it nearly impossible; then again, she probably didn’t care.

So, as such, Kip found himself stumbling around, over, and occasionally under people already furious or terrified from Actr’d’s passing by. Even though the sounds of the angry mob (the previous one after the want-to-be pirate, not the one they were currently riling up) had faded and the barking dogs had lost their trail, his supposed partner apparently still felt it necessary to run to the other side of town.

Finally entering a relatively empty clearing, Kip considered stopping to catch his breath, but, of course, that idea was dashed as Actr’d—probably realizing that, being in the open, they were more likely to be spotted by their no-where-in-the-area pursuers—went into an all-out sprint and he had to rely on his little remaining reserves of energy to keep up.

Kip nearly lost sight of Actr’d as she suddenly turned and entered a random tavern. Again cursing her and the bar fight that would inevitably spawn in her presence, he followed his partner by shooting into the tavern and abruptly shutting the door behind himself.

Standing in front of him was Actr’d, who was eyeing the tavern and its occupants. With his fury built up and having finally caught up to her, Kip opened his mouth to give Actr’d a large piece of his mind.

But what was meant to be his voice was replaced with a long raspy wheeze and the feeling of a giant hand constricting his lungs and heart. He wheezed as the room spun around him and, suddenly, Kip toppled over; as he attempted to catch his breath—which he had gone without longer than he noticed—he fainted with the last thought in mind being another curse at his partner.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Freedom!

The sounds of her pursuers rang in her ears as she ran down the street (oddly enough, they went from men shouting and dogs barking to soundly unusually similar to Kip swearing at her) and she thought more than once that they may have had her, but she had evaded them swiftly and brilliantly secreted herself away in a nondescript bar.

She quickly laughed at the thought of her doubting her abilities. No one could capture her! She haughtily grinned and crossed her arms, considering whether or not to pity the fools who attempted to run her down, then deciding not to, seeing as they were more of the ignorant masses that simply caused her unnecessary inconvenience.

Okay, so she could have been slightly less hasty, but, really, what was that woman going to do with all of that gold on her, anyways?

Plus, it’s not like she started that fire intentionally.

All in all, it was another job that posed no trouble for her. Granted, she didn’t actually get any money out of it, but she saw that as a minor side note.

Grinning over her shoulder, she saw Kip sprawled on the floor of the tavern. “The heck is wrong with you?” she prodded him in the gut with her boot and he replied with a combination of a wheeze and what seemed to be an angry moan. “Well, at least you managed to keep up with me, Kip. I’m pretty surprised that I didn’t hear you behind me, either.” He responded with what seemed like a resigned wheeze and simply lied on the ground.

She shrugged. Whatever. Kip’s random respiratory problems didn’t concern her. What was important was to figure out just where it is she stumbled into. Hopefully this place didn’t have the same anal-retentive bartenders all the other places had, the ones that expect you to pay for EVERY drink.

Seriously, where do some people get the gall to attempt to enforce something like that? It made her sick.

The place seemed oddly cheerful, though. The standard sounds of shouting, swearing, and bottle smashing were surprisingly absent and, in their place, were laughing, awing, and other sounds she wasn’t too familiar with.

Actr’d sneered and looked around at the men and women as they carried on about their business. Business that was sorely making her upset, as this was simply a horribly poor excuse for a bar.

A fight should of broken out by now, for crying out loud!

“What’s up with this…the Hell?!” Actr’d’s musing was interrupted by a utterly terrifying sight. Well, more infuriating than terrifying, but she was suddenly not in the mood to split hairs.

Marching over to the bar, she pulled a certain someone around on his stool and then pulled the collar of his shirt down so they were face-to-face.

“Oh, uh, hey Bro.” Bo whimpered.

“What. Are. You. Doing.” Actr’d said through closed teeth.

“Oh, um,” he grinned and whispered, “just hanging around with some friends.”

Actr’d blinked. She looked over Bo’s left shoulder: the redhead’s hips were well wider than her shoulders and her black dress was more of an oversized shirt for what it covered. She looked over his right shoulder: the black-haired woman’s red dress was so tight she didn’t seem to breath and her chest was larger than Actr’d’s torso.

Her gaze returned to piercing Bo’s eyes. “You shouldn’t touch things you find on the ground; you don’t know where it’s been,” Actr’d growled.

“Aww, hon, is this your ‘bro’?” The red-head said and looked Actr’d up and down. Her eye twitched violently.

“He seems awfully upset,” the top-heavy one added and reached over, gently rubbing Actr’d’s shoulder. “You’re so tense, babe. We’re helping your brother…relax. We can help you, too.” The woman winked.

Actr’d, her teeth clenched, face a deep red, and shaking with anger, shouted, “That’s it! Bo, get up and take care of your trash,” she eyed the two women as she said that, “we’re leav--”

“Actr’d!” A familiar squeal from behind cut her off. She turned and another bout of fury shook her. Sheeva quickly clung to her, but she barely noticed, as the girl was wearing such an appalling outfit that she choked on her words; it was a frilly, little, fancy, GIRLY maid uniform! One that didn’t protect enough of her skin, at that.

And there was some…THING on her head. Was that…a muffin?

After being freed from the hug, she stared at the girl in front of her—who was still smiling and now hopping in space (which was not a good combination with her outfit)—for a moment, she turned back to Bo with her face redder than before and her eye twitching madly.

“What the HELL!” She grabbed onto Bo’s collar and pulled him down from his seat. “I give you a little responsibility for ONE day and THIS is what comes out of it? You gallivanting with some bimbos and letting THAT,” she pointed to Sheeva behind her, who waved and smiled at her, “be done to Sheeva?”

“I like this dress,” Sheeva said.

Without actually listening, Actr’d replied over her shoulder, “Yeah, that’s nice.” Then shook Bo some more. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been doing today? I almost got strung up by a mob, haven’t made any money—”

“I made some money, Actr’d!”

“Yeah, that’s nice—and, worst off, I had to wake up bright and FREAKIN’ early to get ready for it, too! What in the world did you think you were doing coming into a place like THIS and doing who-knows-what all day long and…look at this!” Actr’d smacked the muffin from Sheeva’s head, but the girl managed to catch it. “What in the hell am I going to do with y—oof!”

Actr’d felt a very constricting and very strong pressure around her torso; suddenly out of breath, her voice was raspy and nearly nonexistent. She could barely breathe in. Finding herself somehow lifted off the floor, she looked around frantically until she noticed, behind her, a very large—VERY large—woman lifting her up.

She blinked and then forced a very wobbly smile. The large woman (more like ‘shaved-ape weight lifter’, but Actr’d was a little too preoccupied to think of witty comments at the moment) let out a growl in response.

“Crap,” was all Actr’d managed to wheeze out.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Somehow, someway, sometime he was going to get her back for this.

Kip finally managed to sit upright; now that he was positive that none of his organs were going to suddenly burst aflame, he ignored the lasting, lingering sensations of pain.

He rubbed his head and tried to make his mind focus, but the room continued to spin and all the sounds melded into one single consistent ‘blah’ noise. Setting his jaw tight, he got a feel for the floor with his hands and, keeping sure to remember which direction was down, managed to stand up.

After patting his shirt free of dust and dirt it collected from the floor and fixing his hair which had become in disarray (it was unlike his typical disarray in that it wasn’t in disarray the way HE liked it to be), he rubbed his eye and looked around him.

His hearing and sight cleared up just in time to see a very large muscular woman (he thought she had been an ape or weight-lifter at first) walking towards the door with Actr’d in a powerful grip.

Kip shook his head; honestly, she takes no time at all to cause trouble. But, before he could laugh at the want-to-be pirate’s misfortune at being thrown out so roughly, he felt a powerful, vice-like grip surround his own torso and suddenly found himself on the other side of the door, lying face first in the road.

Somehow, someway, sometime he was going to get her back for this.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

“Bye-bye!” Sheeva waved as Actr’d was…escorted from the bar.

Bo blinked. “Whoops. Um…” he looked around frantically and then snapped his fingers in realization. “Sheeva, you got all the money you made today?”

The girl nodded with a mouthful of muffin. “Mmhmm!”

“Uh…good!” Bo clapped his hands together. He jumped from his stool and picked Sheeva (still nibbling on the muffin) up under his arm and, in an afterthought, turned around to say, “Oh, bye, ladies!”

Sultry and Busty smiled and waved at him and he grinned. With Sheeva under his arm, he rushed to the entrance of the bar as quickly as possible and, throwing open the door, he found…nothing but an empty street.

“Bro? Hey, Bro!” How could Bro have disappeared so quickly? He set the girl down and put his hands around his mouth. “BRO!” Nothing.

“Wash ‘e madder, ‘o?” Sheeva asked, stuffing more of the muffin into her mouth.

“We need to show Bro and Kip the money you made!” He looked up and down the street in front of him, trying to see any signs of either Bro or Kip, but they weren’t in sight and there were wasn’t any shouting or mobs or anything to guess where they had gone. “Um, uh,” Bo waved at Sheeva for her to stay and began running down the street. “Stay here, Shee! Be a good girl! I’m gonna go find Bro!”

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Sheeva nodded. Sure, she didn’t like Bo running off and leaving her along, but she could be a good girl and do what he had said. Staying put shouldn’t be too difficult, she figured, so she stood in place and nibbled on more of her muffin. She’d just wait there and Bo would probably be back before she knew it!

Then she heard a sound. Blinking, she stopped nibbling on her muffin to listen. “Psst!” She tilted her head, “Psst!” Turning, she saw that someone was in the path next to the bar that led to the dark, damp alleyways behind all of the shops. “You, girl! C’mere!”

Sheeva blinked. Then, popping the last of her muffin into her mouth, she trotted over to the alley and poked her head in. There, now in the back of the alley, was a tall man waving her in. The alley was kind of smelly and small and there was trash laying around and some heavy, wooden boards leaning against a wall.

She happily walked in and neared the man. He was tall and had a sword on his belt. The man smiled and asked, “So, I heard you were trying to get some money?”

Sheeva, with her cheeks puffed out from the muffin in her mouth, nodded.

“Well, how much money do you have already?” She showed the man her pile of gold coins, but, despite his eyes flying open, he immediately went back to normal and shook his head, saying “Oh, that’s not good at all. Very sad.” He made a disappointed noise with his tongue, “I’m sure a nice young lady such as yourself could do much better than that. How about I take that crummy gold off your poor hands and give you something better in exchange?”

Sheeva swallowed the muffin and shouted, “Yay!” The man waved her towards the back alley and she started following him. Bo and Actr’d and Brother would be proud of whatever it was she’d get for them! Especially if it’s better than the gold Bo was excited about.

She smiled. She was a good girl.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Crap, crap, crap! Bo sprinted down the street, but now in the direction back towards the tavern. That was not smart. Not smart at all.

Crap!

Bo clutched his head as he ran. Not smart, not smart! “Kip’s gonna kill me if I lose her! Crap, crap, crap! That was not a good idea, Bo! Leaving her by herself is asking for something bad to happen!” After a few more moments of running, he whimpered, “and I didn’t even manage to find Kip OR Bro!”

As he ran, Bo tried to calm himself; breathing in and out slowly (or at least the best he could do while, you know, running), he just told himself, “it’ll be okay. Shee can take care of herself…sort of. I’m sure she’s sitting right there. She’ll be sitting there, everything will be fine and she’ll have the gold and—crap!”

Increasing his speed to as fast as he could go and then some, any chance of Bo calming himself was lost entirely. Crap, crap, crap! “Leaving Shee there with all that gold is asking for someone to do something…something bad!”

Finally managing to return to the tavern (and come close to ramming into it; he wasn’t really built for speed, much less…stopping) Bo congratulated himself on remembering where it was and getting there in record time.

“Not too bad, Bo,” he huffed and puffed, “now what was…oh, yeah, Sheeva!” He blinked and jumped around, looking in every direction (including up and beneath his shoe) frantically, “She’s gone!”

Gripping his head again, he looked up and down the street. “Poor Shee! She can’t survive in a tough-nail, bloodthirsty place like this!” An old lady with a cart of vegetables walked by and a few kids playing tag were scurrying about. He hit himself in the chest with his fist, looking confident and said to himself. “Don’t worry, Shee, Bo’s on his way!“

And he took off suddenly in a random direction as fast as he could. Not for very long, as he passed the alleyway next to the tavern and froze. He walked backwards a few steps so that the alley was back in view and he saw a little figure who, even from behind (which he looked at for a long moment before his train of thought continued) radiated the Sheeva-like…something. Whatever it was, he recognized it and, because of that, recognized her instantly.

He walked down the alley and began calling out to her until he noticed a man standing next to her. A shady man. Frowning, Bo shifted his pants and stood as upright as he could, which he knew was fairly intimidating simply for his size. Stomping down the alley to Sheeva and the man, he called out, “Sheeva!”

Hopping around smiling, she called back,  “Bo!”

Bo joined Sheeva; he smiled, but kept his eyes on the man. “I think it’s time to go, Shee.”

“Aww, but Bo,” Sheeva pouted, “this man was going to give me something nice in the back alley after I give him all my gold!”

Bo blinked. No, that wasn’t suspicious. Not in the least.

“Now, now, everything is just fine,” the man said, “you can just run along now and leave her to me.” He gulped as the man glared at him. “If you know what I mean.”

“Well, actually, we really need to be going, so if you don’t mind going away—OW!” Bo winced from the blow the man gave him to the gut and then toppled over as he received one to the nose. “Why always the nose?!” he clutched his face as he fell to the ground.

He gritted his teeth together as the man grabbed Sheeva.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

Finally!

Actr’d grinned. She managed to lose Kip after only ten minutes or so of running. She had to give him credit for being stubborn, but besides that, she was almost disappointed that it hadn’t been harder.

Granted, the plan of doubling back to that tavern had been fairly clever, if she said so herself. Surely Kip hadn’t expected her to do that, especially after their little run-in with the gorilla-woman.

Of course, that same reasoning was why she snuck back via the smelly back alleys behind all of the buildings and shops rather than take the open streets. She didn’t particularly enjoy wading through the trash and other unmentionable things in the dark, damp, cramped spaces between the rows of adjacent buildings, but it was a sly plan nonetheless.

Tough, she was somewhat uncomfortable learning what she had stepped coming around one of those corners. The sound and the general smell of the area were more than enough to temper her curiosity.

At any rate, she felt confident that she lost Kip entirely and managed to find the tavern they had been kicked out of by using her innate sense of foresight and her brilliant memory.

That, and there was a sign with the tavern’s name on it out back, but she decided that was far from the point.

At any rate, she had grown soundly fed up with this brilliant plan of Kip’s. She was sure, and had been right from the start, that trying to make money legitimately was simply impossible and irrational and they could should have just mugged some old lady; it would definitely have been quicker and more productive than running around this crummy town.

“Damn Kip and his bright ideas,” she grumbled to herself as she stomped through the back alley so she could get into the tavern and drag Bo and Sheeva out, “thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. Damn, dumb, depth-perception-less Kip; I swear, if I get my hands on him, I’ll—” Actr’d stopped in her tracks as she rounded the corner.

There, Bo seemed to be doubled over in pain, holding his stomach and nose (always the nose with him), but more distressing was Sheeva in the grips of some strange man.

That man picked the worst day possible to try something like that. Frowning, Actr’d gripped the hilts of her rapiers and rushed at the man; she saw Bo look at her in relief and she groaned to herself. As she expected, the man noticed Bo’s gaze and, tossing Sheeva to his side and unsheathing his sword, and spun.

Considering she was going for a swift, silent, single-strike attack, she wasn’t prepared for a counter. The man’s heavier weapon swung at her horizontally and, in defense, she brought up both of her thin rapiers; combined with her momentum, the man’s weapon, and their contrasting sizes, she flew back and into a wall, like a thrown ball being hit by a bat.

Rubbing her head, she looked up to see her opponent standing before her with his sword pointing directly at her. Frowning, she glared right back at the man and prepared herself to dodge as quickly as possible, though with her position and distance, she did not feel too confident.

For one reason or another, she decided to blame this on Kip as well.

Keeping all of her focus directly on the problem in front of her, she was thrown off guard by what occurred next. The man suddenly flew across the alley and slammed into the far wall, falling to the ground without a sound.

Blinking at the obviously unconscious man, Actr’d turned to see what had happened and, standing there, her chest heaving up and down, face red and sweaty, and wearing an expression so furious and out-of-character, was Sheeva, holding a very large and very thick wooden board in her hands.

She blinked again and couldn’t think of anything to say. She began standing, but was suddenly tackled by Sheeva, who had discarded her makeshift weapon. Again, she was at a loss of what to say and simply looked around. Bo seemed to be recovering pretty quickly, though that was no surprise considering how used to being pummeled in the face he was.

Sheeva started crying and Actr’d blushed, rolled her eyes, and patted the girl’s head. “Oh, jeez, Sheeva, c-come on. Crying wasn’t one of the things I taught you to do, was it?”

The girl backed off and wiped her eyes. “Well, no, butt…”

She folded her arms. “No ‘buts’.” She looked away from the girl, still flushed. Bo walked over and draped an arm around Sheeva’s shoulders.

“Everything is alright now, Shee,” Bo said, although sounding somewhat unusual after having been punched in the nose. Sheeva wiped her eyes more but continued to cry though not as much. “You did a good job!” he was frantically trying to get her to stop crying entirely.

“Well, that jerk got his ass kicked,” Actr’d pointed over her shoulder to the heap, “so I can’t really complain. You certainly did a number on him, Sheeva.”

The girl sniffed. “Really?”

“Look at him! He’s going to be feeling that for weeks!” she grinned mischievously at the other girl. “You might actually have quite a bit of promise to be a pirate.”

“Yay!” Sheeva grinned and flailed her arms ever so slightly with her outburst. Actr’d let out a silent sigh of relief that the waterworks finally stopped.

“What the Hell is going on?”

The trio turned their heads to where the alley opened up back into the road and there stood Kip, the eyebrow over his one visible eye raised questioningly and his arms crossed.

.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.-.=.

“I am never leaving any of you alone again,” Kip said exasperatedly after hearing everyone’s story of what happened; he shook his head with a hand on his forehead. “Except for Actr’d, she can get dragged into an alley all she wants, not that anyone would.”

He saw Actr’d shoot him a look and gesture something that suggested either murder, inserting something into an orifice, removing body parts, or a combination of all three.

“So,” Bo—who, along with Sheeva, was leading the group in front—said, interrupting any potential fight, “how did you do?”

Kip sighed and opened his mouth to answer, but a certain someone beat him. “One-eye here got a grand total of jack-squat, give or take a bunch of nothing here or there.”

He glared down at Actr’d. “Don’t even attempt to pin this on me, or do I have to remind you who was the sole cause for us getting kicked out of everywhere?” She snorted and response and looked away.

“Oh! Oh!” Sheeva squealed. She turned around, facing both Actr’d and himself. “I got some money, Kip!”

Kip blinked. “Oh, uh…that’s good, Sheeva.” He was glad to see that his sister, at least, wasn’t entirely disappointed with the day, like everyone else seemed to be. She probably had helped some old lady across the street or found something on the ground. “What did you get?”

Sheeva unwrapped the bar maids outfit she had been carrying underneath her arm (Actr’d attempted to burn it, but Sheeva pleaded to keep it) and Kip’s amused smile suddenly turned to one of shock. His mouth hung open and Actr’d’s eyes rolled upwards and she fell backwards.

After a few moments, Sheeva shifted awkwardly and asked, “did I do a good job, Kip?”

Kip shook his head and closed his mouth, which he just then realized had been open. He had been figuring out how much gold Sheeva had in her possession and he estimated that it would get them through, at the very least, three-weeks worth of meals and inns.

“Oh. Uh. Yeah, a good job. A very good job.” He absentmindedly patted Sheeva on the head without moving his gaze from the money.

“Yay!” The girl grinned from ear-to-ear and wrapped the gold back up; after reviving Actr’d (twice, since she fainted instantly again after realizing the gold wasn’t her imagination.), the group continued on, albeit far more silently in the back and more talkative in the front.

“Well,” Kip said quietly, “I guess everything worked out as best it could.” He heard a contemptuous snort-like response from his side.

“Either way, if you wake me up this early in the morning again, I’m going to kill you.”